Monday, September 13, 2010


A Blessing or a Curse?
by Bluecloud

It was a nice day in 2008 – February 22, 2008 to be exact. But the day did not end the way it started when suddenly I felt a severe pinch in my heart, then I felt numbness and I became dizzy. That prompted me to go get to the hospital. By then the doctor noticed an odd pattern in my heart. It was beating rather fast and the beating patterns were erratic. That has prompted me to go for a full medical check-up. And then the big bomb – I have this heart ailment called ventricular tachycardia.

Ventricular tachycardia is a heart condition characterized by fast heartbeat caused by irregular tissues which formed in the heart. These arrhythmia tissues cause the heart to beat fast and irregular. A normal heart beats at around 60-90 bpm. One who suffers from ventricular tachycardia has it at 100-400 bpm. During that time mine was beating at 150-160 bpm. The doctor said that it has no cure but there are ways to alleviate the effects of the condition.

It was for more than 2 years that I have it in me. But during the initial stages no one even noticed. I guess I managed to keep the smiles despite my condition. Each and every day was an utter challenge to survive. There are times I had difficulty breathing. Times were also there that I experience severe chest pain. Shocking as it may seem, I also experienced profuse bleeding – yup profuse as in overflowing of blood coming out of my nose, my mouth and sometimes even I poop. There were a lot of medications, endless tests, injections. How hard can it be? I thought that was only it but it was only the beginning.

Then came the news that I am only to live for 2 more years. My mind crashed as my body started deteriorating. My health was slowly degrading and my strength slowly fading. I had to give up a lot of things from my job, my luxuries and a whole lot of stuff. On the process, I lost a lot as well – FINANCES, CAREER, DREAMS, SOME FRIENDS, LUXURIES and the STRENGTH TO SURVIVE. There were times that I question HIM for giving me this. I felt that it was a whole lot of burden and I even came close to giving up. There were days when I felt that living is difficult and even blinking, seeing and breathing life is hard. Tears are my constant companion and hurt is my regular friend.

During those times, I seek refuge. And there I saw that not all were lost. I found the value of the things that were left – the things that never parted. My family was there through it all. My true friends stuck with me in the midst of all troubles. I found strength once again by renewing my faith in HIM. From there I rediscovered the language of hope and love. And that I must go on and live my life.

I underwent the last series of therapies recently and now slowly recovering. My heart beat is down to a much more stable range of 90-100 bpm. The road to recovery is quite daunting. I know I have a lot to do in able to get back on track. But the good thing is I am given a chance to live a second life. I’m keeping a positive look on life and hoping that things would soon be better. Starting from scratch would be a challenge but after all I have experienced, I am not a fool that’s gonna give up now? Now I see that it was not after all a curse but a blessing to even make me stronger and live a better life.

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