I JUST CALLED TO SAY GOODBYE
My heart was pounding – the most it had in the past days. My breath seems to run out as I drastically grasp for air. I am in a place I never wanted to be. In front of me silent and lifeless is a telephone. I am in a complete loss for words. Would I pick it up? Would I be able to utter a sentence? A phrase? Much worse, even a word?
I stood still not even minding the time. My hands grasped the edge of the table as I forcefully push it towards the phone. Slowly, I picked the phone up – placing it near my ear as my other hand try to press the numbers. I know the number I wanna call but I just don’t want to call it. My hands are against dialing the digits and so I continue to struggle.
My hands were cold, my body moreso. The blood inside me seems to rise as my heartbeat continues its ascend. I don’t want but I need to. I can’t but I must. And so I slowly pressed against the numbers – one by one before the final digit was put. Then came the rings…. Once, twice, thrice and then someone picked up.
The coldness of voice from the other line doused me like cold water. I can’t find the right words to utter. The tears already started flowing as if I left a faucet open. Will I? Can I? Should I? The voice from the other line kept asking who’s calling and then I heaved a deep breath – something that can be heard from the other line. This is the end… I only called to say goodbye… Then there was silence…